oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize