i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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