How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
