Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
tell me about the eggs
Randomize