that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
