In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
