stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
