I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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