Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
