I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
