am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
