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I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it glows. i had to have it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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