: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
