I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
