the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
