Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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