I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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