Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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