I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
