Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
