just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
