And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
