I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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