She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
