bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Enjoy the penises
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
