i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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