Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
