I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
