You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
