Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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