The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you traded sex for a burrito?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
