My room smells like vodka and shame
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
