On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He passed out mid-signature
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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