So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
