so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
