So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
