You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
