I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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