When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
