I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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