Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
