what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
