"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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