i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
