somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
