allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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