Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
