Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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