yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize