You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
