FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize