I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
