She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
