I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
