The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
