My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
kristin has been a bad kristin
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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