Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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