Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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