Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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