imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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