what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
