Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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