dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
