My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You pole danced in your parka.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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