I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
