I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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