I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
