yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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