my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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