Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
